Nden faamoo gite mum - Ndoon njiya e nder, Assalamu Alaikum

Assalamu alaikum, mi na 24-sana gorko jogii Birmingham, UK. Mi yiɗi waɗi feƴƴin ɗum e neɗɗo, kadi ɗum naangi mi tuge mum e booyidi. Mi am autism, epilepsy, anxieties, panic attacks e agoraphobia. Mi jooɗli e nder jarɓe mum ɓe jaɓɓa, amma ɓe liɓnude nden jarɓe kadi ɓe jooɗoo mo mi waawaa hokka. Mi yiɗi ɓuri feƴƴin e aduna. Mi jokki to waawaa e maccuɓe e mi naangi leti, tawi mi ɗongu ko to mbatanu kam e mum e mana ɗe nddiyam - ma gorko naange nanndi e ndiyam say golal e mi ngondi baningo. Ma dow maccube ɓe njannan faida ngesa, kadi ɓe heɓtina mi ɓe faamii kaan e ko ɓe wiyti ɗum, gandal heɓi ɗi nafoore mi ɓe jogii dum, tawi mi woni kadi dangay. Ma jodhi e ko ɗam ni, woni kadi naagii yowma ɓe joo hai. Mi yiɗi ndiyam gollu sobirii waawaa - tawii macca e moolu, parks, e jaati, tawi fayi to masjid - amma mi dilli mo nduu yaawdi e jarɓe e jooɗi moolu, kadi ndon maccube ɓe naange jooɗi ɓe anndatan mi ngona ɓe heɓiraa nden mi waawaa tawa. Mi ndokkundi to kadi ka nder hokkambi ngam liwoore e hakki, amma ko ɓurɗe foti mbooyɗi no maccube ɓe anndatan ko ɓe himi. Mi yiɗi jango ɓaala fayi ka suurlugol, mi tawa dow aali tay, e mi yejjata binnii найдou ɓe sariya fi mi. Tawi mi sila tahajjud, e mi safa dua gonga hoore ma e ɓe Muslim ɓe. Mi waɗi dhikr e istighfar kadi. Mi fota lesdi e jamii, IT, fulɓe e jooɓo, e jooɓe e IT meŋko level 3 e 4, amma mi naani kadi fota wali. Jangai e nder labu mi hanndii to - mi heɓi welti e jango am BTEC e mi foti jango ɓe ɓuri laagal. Mi janga wala mbaɗa waawara pule ngam mbaawi waɗi, e miɲ⃒i mbadi, e ngari waɗi hoore, e cakkiti e ngaanterii ranyoki. Masa miin jummaaki, kadi haɓere ɓe anndii fota fota, pucci ɓe jaɓɓa mi haɓere kadi mi jango fayi tahajjud e jarɓe. Haɓere am jooɗii no seedi do, yam ɓe ɓuri jooɗi, e ɓe pensii no hokkate. Mi feexi taw e nder mawɗo mullah, sheikh walla scholars, ɓe tawa jengo e mi, woni nder haya never e laktanta. Mi njombii fota, "gollu," wala mi fota "waaw," wala haɗde so ɓe fiɗa durno. Hala, mi njangii maigol am, tahajjud, reciting njiiegelt ɓe Allah e for definitely. Mi waɗa gonga woni nden fayi dii, fayi jungo e ɗe neɗɗo mi hokka ɓe jamma, mi njee hiɗɗe, kadi ɓe jaɓɓa ka holle ma waɗi no haɓe. Nde hoto mi falu, ngari jom nder miji haɓii, ɓe jango dume keɓi rarore ko ya taw mi habban mo no haɓere dimbeli. JazakAllahu khairan ko irratti to horko e dua.