Turning Back to Allah and Praying Tahajjud for Her

Assalamu alaikum. I grew up Muslim but over the last 10 years I drifted away and became agnostic. About three months ago I met a wonderful woman. I knew her family was already considering someone for her, but I thought maybe I could be the one. We grew close quickly and were in love for a few weeks - it felt real. She showed me so much care. Then she started feeling guilty, pulled back and stopped talking. She told me living together like that wasn’t right. I even asked her to marry me because she seemed to meet so many things I was looking for. Now her family has met the other man’s family and wedding plans are being talked about. Both families seem happy. I’m devastated and very depressed. I realized I haven’t truly prayed from the heart for 8–9 years. Things I wanted never came to be - maybe because I wasn’t sincere. Two nights ago I couldn’t bear it and I woke for Tahajjud. I cried for an hour, repenting and begging Allah, asking Him to bring her to me. I’d read online that deep desire should be taken to Tahajjud, so I tried it and for the first time in a long while I felt I really prayed. I did it again last night and feel a little lighter leaving the matter to Allah. I prayed that we be together and even asked Allah to prevent this other marriage because it didn’t feel right given how things happened between her and me. The other man doesn’t know what happened when she was close to me. I told Allah I will become humble and live properly as a Muslim if He grants this wish. I said maybe the woman who brought me back to prayer is the one Allah intends for me. I know rebuilding faith after so long is hard. I truly want her and hope Allah answers my heart’s desire. I’ve decided to keep praying Tahajjud every night. I tend to let go when my wishes aren’t granted, but for once I don’t want to give up. Please advise what I should do now.