The puzzle of who I am - seeking guidance, assalamu alaikum
Assalamu alaikum. What am I really? What drives me, and who stands behind my choices? I started looking into Islamic theology and it grabbed my attention, but also left me kind of confused. I keep reading about nafs, rūḥ, ʿaql, and jasad - desire/self, soul, intellect, and body - and I’m trying to fit them together in my head. Is the body a trust (amana) from Allah given to the rūḥ? Or is the rūḥ something placed in the body? I feel like I’m falling down a rabbit hole - it’s so layered and deep. Who is the “I” that’s writing these thoughts? Why do I sometimes do things I know are wrong even though I don’t want to? There are so many unanswered questions. I read that animals also have rūḥ and nafs but not the same ʿaql as humans. Some sources say humans act wrongly because the nafs is corrupted - but then why wouldn’t animal nafs be corrupted too? Maybe it’s the ʿaql that can be corrupted in humans? I’m struggling to see how these parts all connect into one person. I tried researching more and Islamic theology sparked my interest more than conspiracies and random stuff, so I’d really appreciate any resources or guidance. I’ve asked AI tools but they didn’t give me a satisfying explanation. Also, I read that after death the soul is taken - where does it go? Yet the grave can already be a place of reward or punishment, which feels very deep and confusing. Please help me understand or point me to accessible books, talks, or teachers. JazakAllahu khairan for any guidance.