Struggling with OCD and Thoughts About Purity - Need Some Guidance, Assalamualaikum
Assalamualaikum, Hope you're all well. I'm a guy dealing with OCD/waswas about purity. I really need some help and advice - please read the context if you can, it explains what I'm going through. I feel bad for putting this burden on others but I've tried to handle it and failed. Main question: If I poured water on the spot of my underwear stained with madhi, rubbed it like I always do, poured more water (several small cups), then later after putting them on I still noticed the stain and removed it by hand - is there any valid ruling that can allow me to consider my underwear and the things I touched to be pure? For example, some scholars accept sprinkling enough water as sufficient. Would that apply here? Context: Yesterday I found some madhi on my underwear, less than 5 cm. I cleaned that specific area: poured water, rubbed, and poured more water (at least three small mugs). I always wash it like that because of my OCD. After wringing and wearing it, I saw the madhi again even though I had washed and rubbed it as usual. It wasn't visible during washing, so I don't understand how it stayed. Because of my OCD I panicked, felt very anxious and depressed at that moment. I had touched several things in the bathroom after washing the underwear. Maybe I should've just washed my lower body and the taps and moved on, but my OCD made me freeze and I couldn't think straight. I had already spent a long time in the washroom. Now I'm kind of depressed. I touched things around the house, wore clothes over them, slept, and so on. My mind keeps torturing me and my heart is in pain. Before the incident I had set an alarm to wake before Fajr to pray sunnah and recite Qur'an - I deleted it after and felt like I had no reason to wake up early anymore. I wanted to get closer to Allah, felt hopeful, then this hit me. Honestly, I feel like I can't stay in Islam even if I want to. I feel impure and like my house and family are impure. Purity is so central to Islam and I feel like I've lost it. This may sound odd or funny to some, but those with OCD will understand how real this is. May I get some gentle advice, reassurance from fiqh, or practical steps I can take to calm myself and handle this according to Islamic rulings? JazakAllahu khairan.