Struggling with My Mother’s Behavior

Assalamu alaykum. I really need to get this off my chest, so please read it carefully when you have time. I’m having a really hard time with my mother. We’ve both been through a lot, but hers was definitely more traumatic. About ten years ago in Morocco, I had Lyell’s syndrome, and it was a nightmare for both of us for months. After I got out of the hospital, we faced serious money problems and a lot of tension between my parents for around four years. Later, my father moved to Spain for work, and we stayed behind with a small allowance he sent until we joined him legally three years after. My mother wanted to bring me here mainly for better medical care, but it turned out there wasn’t much available. She had this idealised picture of life abroad-happier, wealthier, with good healthcare-but my brother and I ended up feeling socially isolated at our new school because we couldn’t speak the language or adjust easily. After a year and a half, she decided we should move to another city where my grandmother and some relatives lived, hoping for better luck and family support (though she keeps reminding me that I’m the reason for all our struggles). Things didn’t improve much; her family moved away within a year, and my father refused to join us because he thought he wouldn’t find a job there-they’re divorced now. So we’ve been stuck here for six long years, dealing with ongoing financial trouble, residency paperwork, rent issues, job discrimination, and so much more. Now my mother is at her breaking point-she yells at us and sometimes hits us for no reason. She blows tiny things out of proportion and gets furious easily. She brags about feeding and housing us, yet she won’t let me go to the gym because she says I’m altering Allah’s creation, even though I’m nowhere near being a bodybuilder and I’ve hardly made any progress. I can only go in the morning, never in the afternoon or evening. In one of her angry outbursts, she cancelled my extra tutoring. She gets extremely jealous if she hears that someone she knows is studying medicine or has achieved something responsible, even if it’s just taking sheep to graze-like my cousin back in our Moroccan village. She constantly praises him in front of me when she’s upset. She accuses me of things I never did and mishears things I never said. Until recently, her ultimate move was taking away our phones, cutting us off not just from social media (which might secretly be a blessing) but also from class groups and outings with friends. My younger brother is still easily tempted by worldly things like money and material stuff, and since he sees our life as a mess, he loses his temper sometimes and starts shouting. Lately, my mother has also started hitting things, breaking and throwing objects over the smallest disagreements, and even collapsing on the floor acting completely unhinged. She always criticises my hair even though it’s pretty short and neat, nothing flashy. I got a scholarship and gave her nearly half of it-€1200-but she still drops hints like “try to bring something home once in a while,” even though I often buy things. She yells at me for having too many apps on my phone. My brother and I have never been able to build a solid friendship with anyone because she gets insecure about it. Whenever we mention what a friend suggested for an afternoon (and we often tell her, though sometimes she snoops through our phones herself, claiming she’s our mother and best friend so we must share everything), she’ll say things like “don’t do everything he tells you” or “See? Her plans changed because her mother told her to.” What else can I say? I don’t know anymore. If I want to go to the mall, she has to come along. If I watch anime, she says it’s childish. She gets mad even if I wash the dishes in a different order than she prefers. And sitting in my room to watch something or use my phone? Forget it-you’re not allowed in your own room unless you’re studying; you have to stay in the living room. Basically, I feel like I have zero freedom, not even over the smallest personal things. Some days are calm, but sooner or later things go back to exactly what I’ve described, and it always starts with something tiny like “I bought the wrong bread,” “Do I really need to go out for flour in this heat?” or “A friend is coming over,” or “I already ate out,” or me stopping by a café with a friend after the gym without telling her. I don’t want to be disobedient to my mother or do anything that takes me away from Islam, so please advise me, scold me if needed-especially if you can give a skilled Islamic perspective.