[Story] Overcoming addictions and my spiritual journey (Alhamdulillah for the change)

Assalamu alaikum. It was around mid-December 2024 when I finally couldn't ignore how badly things were going. My studies had gone downhill. I had already failed one UPSC attempt and felt I was heading for another failure. I just couldn't concentrate. Every time I tried to study my mind drifted - wanting to watch things, play games, follow anime, and most painfully, get pulled towards porn and masturbation. I felt powerless against it and ashamed before Allah. At the same time, my family was dealing with a serious financial crisis. My parents had sold personal items and borrowed from relatives to support my education. I was full of guilt and regret, but still couldn't control my habits. I felt weak and close to breaking. That period was one of the darkest times in my life. Around then I found content that spoke about discipline, devotion to studies, and beating addictions. It struck a chord with me and became the beginning of an inward turn. I slowly moved towards spirituality, started reading more about Islam and reflecting on responsibility, the temporary nature of this world, and awareness. Turning to Allah, reading Quranic reminders and listening to sincere Islamic talks helped me feel a bit better and gave me initial strength. I managed to avoid porn and masturbation for two to three months, but it wasn't easy. The urges stayed, and I noticed myself starting to objectify women I saw every day. That disturbed me. I didn’t want to be like that, so I began isolating myself - locking myself in my room and avoiding others. That gave some relief but only temporarily; the pressure built up inside. I realized I needed more than willpower or watching videos. I needed a steady spiritual practice. Around that time I began a regular program of dhikr, dua, salah with more presence, and mindfulness exercises recommended by some trusted teachers. Practicing consistently for a couple of months really made a difference. My mind felt steadier. I became more aware of my urges instead of acting on them automatically. My sense of responsibility grew. For the first time in a long while I felt some inner calm and small moments of joy - Alhamdulillah. Even so, progress was gradual and I wanted something deeper. I enrolled in a more structured inner-work course focused on spiritual discipline and practical meditation within an Islamic framework. I completed it around June or July, and since then the change has been tangible. I began clearing stages of competitive exams. I started tutoring part-time and could help my family a little while continuing my own preparation. My energy improved, I handled multiple responsibilities better, and the constant inner conflict reduced. I wasn't forcing myself as much; there was clearer guidance about what helps me and what harms me. Looking back after a year I feel very grateful for that breakdown. As painful as it was, it made me turn inward and face things I'd avoided for years. First I stabilized through faith and reflection, then regular spiritual practices brought mental steadiness, and finally structured inner work helped me realise my potential. I'm not claiming to be perfect. But Alhamdulillah I'm far more stable, focused, and aware than before - and that feels like a huge change. JazakAllahu khairan for reading. TL;DR: I struggled with porn addiction, couldn't focus on studies, and my family faced financial hardship. After a breaking point I turned to faith, regular spiritual practices, and structured inner work. Slowly my mind steadied, clarity returned, and I became better able to handle life and responsibilities.