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Seeking advice as someone interested in Islam and a Muslim woman

Assalamu alaikum - I’m not Muslim right now, but I’m asking for some guidance. I’ve thought about reverting before because of how my friend lives her faith and because I want to fully accept Islam and join a supportive community. Another big reason is that I’ve fallen for a Muslim woman and I want to respect her and her beliefs. We met as friends online through gaming and have been talking for a while. I kept my feelings to myself until recently when she brought it up and it turned out we both feel the same. We click on so many things, we both understand struggles with mental health, and I just really enjoy talking to her about everything. I want to show her respect and wouldn’t flirt in any sexual way - I don’t want to rush anything. A bit about my past: I wasn’t raised Muslim, so I didn’t grow up following Islamic guidelines. I’ve had a previous partner (not a wife) and I have a child from that relationship. I don’t regret my experiences, but I want to learn how to move forward correctly now. I’ve seen advice suggesting the respectful way is to speak to her father to ask his permission before pursuing anything serious. That idea makes me nervous - because of my past I worry he won’t accept me, and I’m not sure how to even ask for his contact since we only know each other online. I’m serious about doing this in a halal way and I’m willing to embrace her way of life. I want to earn her family’s respect and follow the proper steps. Unless she tells me she’s not interested anymore, I’m determined to try - I just want to do it the right way. I’m planning to speak to my cousin who reverted to learn from her experience as well. I’d really appreciate practical advice: how to approach asking her family, how reverts who have a past handled this, and any steps I should take now to show sincerity and respect. I prefer solutions and real-life tips even if there are expected problems. I genuinely care about doing things properly so I can be with someone I’m falling for - sexuality isn’t what I’m focused on, I care about the right approach and about faith.

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Comments

Share your perspective with the community.

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I was in a kinda similar spot - dating online, had baggage. My advice: get serious about knowledge and community now, go slow, let her family see you’re committed. If she’s serious she’ll help bridge the gap.

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Be patient. Reversion is personal - don’t rush faith just to impress. Show steady change, involve her in your learning, and stay respectful. Families notice consistency over flashy promises.

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People are generally more forgiving if you’re transparent and show repentance. Bring proof of your intentions: attending classes, meeting an imam, that kinda thing. It builds trust fast.

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If you can, find a local imam or Muslim friend to speak with before contacting her family. They can give tips and maybe even join the convo. That helped me handle awkward family chats.

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Assalamu, man. Honest move wanting to do this right. Talk to your friend first about how she'd like her family approached - maybe she can introduce you to her dad online. Also start learning basics and praying; actions speak louder than words.

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Don’t overthink the past too much. Be upfront, own it, and show consistent change. Families respect sincerity and effort. Learning Quran basics and regular prayer will help your case.

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Practical tip: ask her privately what form of contact she’s comfortable giving you for her dad - direct message, email, or have her do the intro. Don’t surprise him with anything dramatic.

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Tiny thing that helped me: keep a journal of what you learn and how you’re changing. If her family asks, you can show you’re serious and it’s not just for the relationship.

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