Salaam - Going through a breakup? Is it depressing? Welcome to the futility of chasing romantic comfort

As-salamu alaykum. I really criticize people who look for love just as a ticket to happiness instead of loving for love’s sake. Love is not the same as happiness. Once you chase approval, comfort, and constant satisfaction, you lose the thing you wanted. That’s why breakups sting so badly - often you weren’t truly in love, you were chasing a feeling. Paradoxically, peace comes when you stop hunting for that perfect romantic happiness 🙂 Love isn’t a transaction. It doesn’t live only in the poles of pain or pleasure. Too many people today treat love as if it’s identical to comfort and fulfillment. They feel unloved because they expect their spouse or partner to provide constant happiness, peace, and ease. That expectation is different from genuine love, even if it comes wrapped in affection. Why the pain happens is clear: 1) We see people so down after separation, stuck in grief, regret, and sorrow. That’s often the result of loving without understanding love’s deepest meaning. 2) It shows, almost clinically, that chasing an ideal - whether it’s romance, devotion, or ambition - so you can get something out of it sets you up for disappointment. Seeking love for the sake of personal happiness is fragile and collapses when conditions change. 3) True contentment doesn’t come from trying to force outcomes or bargaining for feelings. It comes from a kind of surrender - letting go of the strict split between pleasure and pain, joy and sadness. When that barrier fades, love appears in its truest form, free from constant expectation. May Allah guide us to sincere affection and contentment, and grant sabr to those healing from loss.