Returning to Islam after leaving - As-salamu alaykum, I'm coming back
As-salamu alaykum. I was born Muslim but a few years ago I stepped away from the religion. I didn't hide it - I argued with Muslims, spoke against Islam, and people around me knew I was a strong disbeliever. I even used to say I would never return. But after some personal trials and feeling helpless, I found myself coming back to faith. Even while I was away I never fully stopped learning about Islam or thinking about Allah. Slowly I began to believe in a Creator again. Although I knew more about Islam than many people around me, I started relearning things and correcting my misunderstandings. I said the shahada. I'm listening to surahs and trying to read them myself too. My iman isn't as strong as it used to be before I left; I used to be very religious, and now I'm rebuilding that practice bit by bit. A question I have is: how can I regain a strong, steady faith and revive my religious commitment? Everyone around me still remembers me as someone who rejected Islam. Sometimes I feel like a Muslim inwardly, but I'm not ready to tell everyone yet. Honestly, I'm ashamed - not only because I left, but because I was so certain of my disbelief and now I have to admit I've changed. I'm sure people will ask questions. There aren't many non-Muslims near me, so I'm less worried about mockery from them; what I fear is the reaction of fellow Muslims. I'm anxious they'll belittle me or gloat: “See, I told you so,” or “What now? You former disbeliever.” My social circle will change a lot in a few months, though some old acquaintances will remain. I don't know how to accept this change, strengthen my iman, and feel confident declaring my return to those who know my past. Please dua for me and any practical advice would be appreciated.