One man’s battle with his inner self through Islam

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I’m a new Muslim, and I’m reaching out because, honestly, I’ve always felt like a pushover… and I kind of am. I grew up mostly with just my mom, until a step-guardian came along who drank heavily and was mentally abusive toward both of us-and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. All that chaos at home really messed with my growth as a teenager. I’m awkward socially, so I either stay too silent or ramble too much. Confidence? None. I’m stuck in a 9-to-5 job even though I graduated with an art degree. Never been married. I was hooked on pornography. People walk all over me because I come off as timid. I keep delaying my goals. There was a time when depression ruined my hygiene. I’d hang out occasionally, but mostly I stayed home alone. Even though I’m an introvert by nature, sometimes it’s because I’m too afraid to go out and meet people. Then I spiraled into drinking and doing a lot of drugs. I got so low that I almost had suicidal thoughts, feeling like less of a man. That’s when I started thinking about training in MMA to build discipline and confidence, and that’s how I discovered Khabib and those Dagestani Muslim fighters. I was drawn to his strong, calm character and his deep dedication to his faith, subhanAllah. It hit me-many of the warriors I admired were connected to Islam. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been studying as much as I can and trying to read the Qur’an. I still have a long journey ahead, but this lifestyle can help me become the man I wish I’d been long ago. Because eventually, insha’Allah, I want to get married, have a family, and be able to stand on my own feet to protect them. For now, at least, I’ve nailed proper hygiene and keeping my home clean, and that alone brings me so much peace with myself and my space. My next big step, bi’idhnillah, is to move to a new state, become an entomologist or biologist, join a local Muslim community, travel to libraries and museums, and train seriously in a martial art. But I’m wondering-has anyone else here fought their inner self and found their way to Islam? What steps did you take to become a better person? JazakAllahu khairan for reading.