How College Temptations Weakened My Bond with Allah

Assalamu Alaikum everyone, I’m at a loss and just need to vent. Since coming to the States for university two years back, my faith has been crumbling. I barely recognize myself anymore. The struggle with desires is eating me alive-I keep wishing I had a wife, even knowing that a relationship outside marriage has no blessings. I feel like a total fraud because I tell myself it’s wrong, but honestly, if the chance came, I’d probably jump at it. That’s hard to say out loud. I’ve committed zina a few times, and since then, everything’s gone downhill. I can’t even control my gaze properly. I fall into self-gratification several times daily, and the shame has made me abandon salah. I know there’s no excuse, and I hate this version of me. I tried fasting, even did it daily hoping it’d curb the urges, but after iftar I’d slip right back. It feels hopeless. I’m stuck: staying alone makes me lonely and miserable, going out throws temptation in my face. Marriage isn’t possible yet-I’ve got about two years left in school, and starting late makes it feel even more distant. Sometimes I wonder if Allah’s punishing me or if I’ve ruined any chance of being a good Muslim again. I know His mercy is vast, but emotionally, I’m drained. I even joined the campus Islamic group, but it felt more like a matchmaking scene than a faith boost-maybe that was just my experience. I’m not looking for sympathy; I know I’m sinning. I’m asking for advice from those who’ve been through this. How did you break free? How did you reconnect with Allah after hitting rock bottom? I don’t want to leave this world in this condition.