How can I move past my resentment toward Allah?
As-salamu alaykum. I don't like talking about my feelings but I don't have anyone to turn to. For about ten years I've been repeating the same duas for my weight, my finances, making friends, and finding a good spouse. None of those duas seem to have been accepted. People say Allah gives what you ask for or something better, but I haven't felt that way at all. No matter what I do I can't keep weight off. I diet, sometimes starve myself, exercise a lot, and it barely changes. I tried saving and investing the right way and still ended up losing over $90K. I tried to meet a wife-lost weight for that reason, had family introductions, everything-and nothing came of it. I prayed for friends and I literally have none. At this point I don't even want to try. Seeing what has happened in Gaza has made me even more doubtful of duas. I can't get images out of my head of innocent children and the awful things I saw online. The ummah prayed, and it feels like nothing got better. Just thinking about it makes me tear up while I write this. There are many other duas I've made that never seemed answered, and I feel like my prayers are usually left unanswered or turned away. Because of all this I've slowly drifted away from praying-sometimes I go for Jumuah-but I don't see the point and I have grown to resent Allah. I've even cursed Him in moments of extreme frustration. I've reached a point where I feel like if I do achieve anything, it's only because of my own effort. Part of me still nudges me toward salah, but I can't bring myself to do it, and when I do pray it feels like a burden. I dislike sitting through khutbas; my mind wanders because I don't see practical benefit. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. How do I get past this anger and hurt? Has anyone else felt similarly and how did you cope?