Hope keeps letting me down

Assalamu alaikum. I’m not happy with my life. No matter how hard I try or what I do, I always end up back in that same empty space that’s been inside me forever. I remember feeling this way even when I didn’t really get what was going on. I kept doing all the things I had to do-working, showing up, talking to people. On the outside, not much changed. But inside, it was like the tie between my actions and any joy in doing them had just been cut. And the hardest part? I didn’t even have a clear reason why. Nothing big happened. I just didn’t know what I wanted, couldn’t see a path ahead, and that confusion became a weight that slowly put out the lights, one by one. A lot of what I felt came from being mixed up inside. I didn’t know what I wanted from this life. I didn’t know which way to turn. And there was this voice telling me I should already have it figured out, that everyone else seemed to know, that something was really wrong with me for still wandering in this fog. Sometimes I feel like the silence is eating me up. The staring into nothing. Daydreaming but also right here. Almost like I’m in a daze. Pretending I’m all there, when mentally I’m just flipping through moments, words, scenes. I feel so emotionally numb. No ups, no downs, just flat. I don’t even notice time moving anymore, let alone the days going from Monday to Sunday. Is this what it’s like to live through something you’re not really connected to? I know life isn’t meant to be all pleasure, and it can be a lonely journey, no matter what people say. But that’s how my life’s always been. I watch and I remember. I try to step in, but I don’t fit. There’s no real cure for this, just living it out, whether it’s a trial or my role until Allah changes my story. I’m truly struggling and I can’t see a way out. I want a decent life, to study, to have a halal job, to build a family with a spouse. But it all feels like a far-off dream. I just can’t picture a future. May Allah make it easy for all of us who feel lost.