Finding unexpected calm in Islam during a chaotic season - is this fitra or just stress?
As-salamu alaykum, I’m not sure how to put this, but I’ll try to be open. I’m a 35-year-old white British man from Sheffield. Married, two young children (6 and 3), and we just found out there’s a newborn due in April which wasn’t expected. My wife is Cambodian and raised Buddhist. We recently moved from a smaller town in Nottinghamshire, and life has felt very heavy lately. There’s a lot on our plate: immigration uncertainty over my wife’s status, an unplanned pregnancy, and my work situation is shaky. I’m also waiting to be assessed for ADHD and possibly autism, which maybe explains why I’ve always felt a bit out of step socially. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t follow football-so I’ve never really fit the “typical British bloke” mould. I’m a quiet person and haven’t felt part of a community for a long time. My eldest goes to school in a neighbourhood with a strong Muslim presence, and at first I wasn’t sure what to expect. Over time, though, I started noticing something: a sense of order, community, and calm that I hadn’t felt before. Seeing women in hijab gives me a strange feeling of peace. There’s a kind of discipline in how some of the men present themselves that I find striking. Passing a masjid or a Muslim shop puts me on edge in a good way-alert but calm. Recently, after dropping my daughter at school, I started listening to Qur’an recitation through my headphones. I don’t understand Arabic and I didn’t grow up religious at all, but the sound moves me. It brings a lightness that helps me face the day. I’ve never really labeled myself an atheist-more like someone who’s never engaged with religion. Now I’m confused. Is this just a stress response because life is unstable? Or is this something deeper-fitra, maybe? I feel drawn to Islam, but I don’t know what “believing” would mean for me. I worry about my family: my wife is already overwhelmed and I don’t want to add to her stress, and my parents lean toward very traditional, nationalistic views and might not understand. I’m not trying to rush into anything, just trying to understand what I’m feeling. Has anyone else gone through this-felt an emotional pull toward Islam before any real study or intellectual reason? How did you approach it without damaging family relationships? Thanks for reading.