Feeling Lost, Need Prayers
Assalamualaikum WaRahmathullah. Sorry if I accidentally say something that goes against Islamic teachings - I'm trying to stay within bounds while sharing my thoughts. I used to like a sister back when I was in university. We matched on so many levels: interests, seeking knowledge, sports, even views on politics. I came into her life when she was at a low point and turning to Allah for help, and we just connected. Before long we both liked each other. I was worried about it being haram and wanted to make things halal quickly. I met her after I graduated while she was still in her second year (we’d only met after I graduated since we helped run the same events). I regret to say we ended up in a relationship for almost a year and a half. The first year was really good - I worked near the university so we met often. Then after the first year I moved abroad and things began to fall apart. She started her third year, got super busy, and began prioritizing other friends and “having fun” over keeping in touch. Miscommunication and conflict grew. After about six months of instability she told me she’d been losing feelings (which I’d suspected) and wanted to end things, saying we could see after she finished college in two years. I was devastated but also felt a strange relief because I’d been making dua to leave that haram situation and make it halal; it was eating me up inside. The cost was losing her. She’d changed - I’m not sure if, even if she returns, she’d be the same sister I admired: the one striving to please Allah. Right now she seems to be enjoying a YOLO lifestyle, going to concerts, late outings with friends, and missing salah, and that has been painful to watch. Later, after coming back from work early and sitting on a bench near the masjid waiting for Isha, I was thinking about all this and feeling broken. A brother I often see at the gym and in the masjid was out for an evening run and sat to talk briefly. I asked him, like I do everyone, to make dua for me. He asked, “Make dua for what?” I answered, “For everything - my health, career, family, everything.” Then he said something that made me cry: he told me my duas are already answered because he often sees me in the first row at the masjid and I motivate him. He struggles with consistency in salah, and seeing me standing in front of Allah instead of being elsewhere is, to him, an answered dua. I wanted to share this because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about how low I feel right now. I keep turning to Allah and making dua, but this is the first time I’m posting like this. I don’t know, maybe there are some righteous people who will read, share advice, or be a bit of light for me. InshaAllah, please make dua for me. JazakAllahu khair. (I’ve simplified things so this doesn’t become too long.)