Feeling Like I Might End Up Alone, May Allah Guide Me

Salam. Just putting this out there to clear my mind. Because of some genuine mistakes my parents made with money, and later pride that worsened things, we ended up with very little. During my early adult years in university I sometimes couldn’t even afford food. I had to do heavy manual work that wasn’t right for me and that led to a physical and then mental breakdown. I needed about two years to recover after finishing university, and I was 25 by then. My parents didn’t really support me during that time, not even with small things - I’m not talking huge amounts, just the price of a burger. We also fought a lot, and money got spent on bad choices and sending cash to relatives abroad. Slowly a relative helped me find a job and things improved bit by bit. But the marriage situation hasn’t gone well. I’m not really confident in my looks, and I’m quite short, which some families don’t prefer. My parents didn’t put much effort into helping me find a spouse either. I tried several times a year to find someone back in our home country, but there was interference from an uncle and aunt who wanted me to marry their daughter. After spending time and money trying to find a spouse abroad, I reached my early 30s and now I feel resigned. For years I lived apart in the same town, renting a room, which made my finances worse and dented my confidence. Home was always full of arguments and money stress. Recently I told my mother there’s a sister working at a local food shop near where I do my PT job. She seems like a good match. My idea was to go there once a week to buy something and get a feel, slowly build familiarity and maybe suggest a meeting when the time is right. My mum said that’s embarrassing and asked why I couldn’t just flirt like younger people do. I’m 35 - that’s not how people from my generation grew up, and it clashes with my conservative nature. I also worry many sisters would find it odd or uncomfortable if I tried that kind of banter. My mum thinks it looks desperate for me to pursue random girls. Over the years I’ve felt like my parents are ashamed of me because of my height and what they call poor fashion sense. I honestly think I look like many Muslims around here. I don’t know what to do. I’m tired and feel resigned. I’m thinking of moving far away because of the embarrassment. People ask about my situation and I get scolded, like they assume something is wrong with me for not being married. At the mosque last month I felt so ashamed I lied and said I had plans in the pipeline. Maybe I’ve accepted it to some extent. I tell myself I’ll try to be patient and leave the matter to Allah, but some days it really hurts. Please keep me in your duas.