Feeling Like Allah Is Warning Me About Death?

Assalamu alaikum. I used to not believe, but for a while now I've been trying to find God and the truth. But as I'm learning, I noticed I have a lot of negative feelings around religion, especially Islam, and it's clouding my judgment. So I wanted to work through my biases so I can study with a clear mind and open heart. But sometimes, I get these signs-like numbers that match verses about death-and I get scared that Allah is telling me my time is near. This fear is holding me back, because I'm still not sure which path is true. I even tried to accept Islam once when this happened before, but my anxiety only got worse, thinking that if Allah is real, He'd see my heart wasn't sincere. My prayers felt empty. I remember washing my hands and prayer mat over and over, and doing tayammum with sand three times because we had dogs in the house and nothing felt clean enough. I can't fake belief. This fear messes with my journey. Sometimes it's so bad I can't even get out of bed. Would Allah really speak to me like this? Or could it be Shaytan trying to make me a hypocrite, or just my own anxiety? Would Allah take the life of someone who's searching for Him, if given more time they might truly accept faith? I haven't turned away from Islam. I just need more time.