Family Rejecting My Wife-to-Be Because of Her Background - Need Advice

Assalamu alaykum. Thank you for reading this - I’m sorry it’s long, I just don’t know what else to do. I’m Arab, she’s East African. We’re both 27 and have been together for over a year. She’s the love of my life, my biggest blessing, and I truly feel like I’d give everything for her. Right now I feel shocked, humiliated, betrayed, and utterly heartbroken because my own family is turning against her for reasons I can’t accept. I told my parents about her about seven months ago. At first they seemed okay - they said as long as I was happy and she was a good Muslimah, they’d support me. They mentioned cultural differences but ultimately said they supported the relationship. We met each other’s families, our bond grew, and we even started planning the khitbah with hopes to be engaged in a couple months. Everything was moving forward until two weeks ago. My parents called me and said that now that marriage is real to them, they don’t approve of her - purely because of her race and background and what the community might say. It blindsided me. The last two weeks have been full of crying, shouting, and nonstop arguments. They say they will never approve, no matter what. My dad at least listens sometimes and says he wouldn’t disown me, but my mother has been cruel and said she would disown me. They’ve made it clear that her iman and character don’t matter to them. To me this is wrong and goes against Islam - preventing a marriage for reasons other than deen and akhlaq is not acceptable, and Islam rejects racism. I went to a sheikh who told me I don’t strictly need their blessing to marry and that I could marry her and the family might come around. But he didn’t fully consider how this would affect her and her feelings. Her family’s and her comfort matter - and their blessing means a lot to her, understandably. I’m facing an impossible choice. If it were only me, I’d marry her and walk away from my parents if I had to. But she may not want to live with the hostility or be estranged from her in-laws, and I wouldn’t blame her for leaving. If she walks away, I don’t know if I could ever forgive my family. I’m already thinking about how I’d explain this to any future spouse and how I’d protect my children from that kind of prejudice. I plan to move out once I finish professional school no matter what, because I can’t stay in that environment. In the coming days I have to tell her everything and try to figure out whether we can navigate this together. I’m terrified of that conversation and of what comes after. I’m asking for practical advice and perspective: how do I tell her gently and honestly? How can we try to manage this with our families? What realistic steps can we take if they refuse to ever accept her? How do I balance standing up for what’s right in Islam with caring for her feelings and her family’s wishes? I’m willing to fight for this relationship even if it costs me my family, but I also understand if she can’t continue under these circumstances. Any guidance, dua, or support would mean a great deal to me.