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4 months ago

Do people still see intimacy as something reserved for marriage?

Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters, I’m a 27-year-old Muslim man from an Islamic country and I’m asking for honest perspectives from people of deen. I’ve tried my whole life to stay within Islamic boundaries. I studied and worked in mixed environments with many modern, liberal women, but I kept my gaze lowered and my limits in place. I’ve never dated or crossed physical limits with anyone - not because I couldn’t, but because I wanted to save that for my spouse. Lately I’ve been struggling inside. I feel ready for marriage, but it seems like casual relationships and physical closeness before marriage have become normal, even among Muslims. I hear people admitting it, and sometimes I see it openly in public, and it really breaks my heart. I’m not here to judge. I just feel like those of us who tried to be patient and stick to what’s halal are getting rarer. It’s hard to keep hope when the world seems to push the opposite way. So my question is sincere: are there still sisters out there who choose to wait? Who see intimacy as something sacred to be experienced within marriage, not just a temporary thing? And how would someone like me recognize such people today? Forgive me if this sounds emotional. I’m doing my best to stay strong in my faith and fight off discouragement. Any advice, reminders from the deen, or practical tips would mean a lot. Insha’Allah. JazakAllah khair. Edit: To clarify - it’s not that I’m only around liberal people. What worries me is that even among religious, modestly-dressed women from practicing families I’m noticing similar behavior more often than I expected. That’s why I’m concerned. I’m not being harsh or desperate, I’m just trying to understand the reality of this time and whether it’s realistic to find someone who shares my values. I’ve waited this long, and I can keep waiting for Allah’s sake even until my last breath if that’s what He wills. But I’m also human - a healthy, functioning man, Alhamdulillah - and I have natural needs. I’ve done my best to be patient, control my desires, and fulfill my duties, so I feel it’s reasonable to hope I’ll find a righteous partner.

+178

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4comments
4 months ago

As a guy in my late 20s, I feel this. There are still sisters who wait-you’ll find them at mosques, study circles, and family-arranged meetings. Keep dua, stay around people of deen, and don’t let the noise crush your patience. Allah rewards steadfastness.

+21
4 months ago

I get the hurt. Plenty of people act one way in public but different privately-check actions, not just appearances. Keep your standards, keep company with those who remind you of Allah. You’re not alone.

+10
4 months ago

Honest answer: yes, there are sisters who wait, but they’re quieter now. Be patient, broaden your circles-halaqahs, community work, trusted matchmakers. When you meet someone, look for consistency and shared goals. Pray lots and stay steady, brother.

+10
4 months ago

Brother, don’t lose hope. Practical tip: look for consistent boundaries, how she talks about family and deen, and whether she avoids gossip. Ask through proper channels and involve trusted family. Sincerity shows over time.

+12
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