Confused about My Faith but Worried About the Consequences

Assalamu alaykum - I'm 18M and just started college. I grew up with an observant mom who prays five times a day and a dad who’s barely religious. Both my parents are Indian Muslims, my mom is a stay-at-home mom and my dad works. We live in a North American area with very few other Muslims or people of colour, and honestly the religion feels like a burden to me most of the time. I dread it and don’t know if that’s because of how I was raised or because of where I live. My mom has always pushed religion on me and used guilt whenever I tried to step away. She put me in Quran classes for about four years when I was young and I never enjoyed it. Because of all this I’m not close to my parents or family. Religion feels controlling and my upbringing kind of painted it as the enemy. I feel like I can’t do the same things other students do, like have normal friendships or explore relationships. The Muslim girls I’ve met so far have been very gossipy and toxic in my experience, and I don’t want that kind of marriage. A lot has gone wrong in my life and whenever I pray and ask Allah for help it feels like nothing changes. My faith is really shaky now, and that’s made me stop relying on people or even putting trust in religion. I’m scared to leave the faith because my parents would probably disown me and might stop paying for college. My younger sister feels similar, and when she asked a hypothetical question my mom said she’d disown us. Practically, I still avoid pork and stay away from drugs, alcohol, and premarital sex - those habits stuck with me. I also fast during Ramadan, and oddly that’s the one time I don’t resent being Muslim because I feel like I belong and don’t have to hide it. I used to pray three or four times a day, but since starting college I’ve stopped. Praying feels like a chore and I have to hunt for a quiet spot on campus. I don’t know why I should keep following something that mostly brings me guilt and stress. I’m torn between staying because of family and community consequences, and leaving because I don’t feel it in my heart. I’m not sure what to do.