Assalamualaikum - I embraced Islam but can't stop thinking about someone
Assalamualaikum, I made this account to share something that's been on my mind. I reverted to Islam this week and I feel relieved to have taken this step - it has been a long journey for me. A couple of years ago I first became curious about Islam, but it wasn't until I befriended a Muslim sister online last December and heard her talk about her faith that I really started to look into it. I began reading the Qur'an, watching lectures, learning about customs, and asking her more questions. At first I was pretty ignorant and would argue without much knowledge; I was confident in my agnosticism then. As I learned more I started to reflect on how I'd been living. I hadn't felt happy for a long time and lacked purpose. Islam began to make sense and I started to feel Allah's presence in my life - something I had never felt before. During this time I developed strong feelings for this sister. She made me happy. I admired her intelligence, maturity, humour, and patience when she taught me. We spent hours talking and playing games, and she would message me about her day and share pictures. Eventually I couldn't hide how I felt and I told her. She said she used to have feelings for me but had worked to get over them. She made it clear she wouldn't be with a non‑Muslim and she doesn't do boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. There was also the distance between us. Her reasons were understandable, so we agreed to stay friends. A few months on, we speak less, but I still think about her a lot. I wanted to be certain my reversion was sincere. I worried I might accept Islam because of hope that we could be together, not from true belief. She even told me she had prayed that Allah Guide me to Islam so we might be together, and hearing that made everything harder. I haven't told her I've reverted, and I don't know if I should. It seems like she is moving on and that hurts. I want what's best for both of us and to trust that Allah knows best. I've thought about removing her from my life, but I don't feel strong enough. I'm trying to be consistent with prayer and make du'a for guidance, but I feel lost. I have started my life as a Muslim with uncertainty in my heart. Any advice on how to cope with this would mean a lot. Ya Allah, do not let my heart become attached to what is not meant for me.