Assalamu Alaikum - Struggling to Stay Consistent, Need Advice
Assalamu Alaikum, I'm a revert, about 2½ years in, Alhamdulillah. My path has been really up and down. I said my Shahadah during a breakup with my long-term girlfriend. Right after coming out of the masjid, she messaged me asking to get back together. At first I resisted, but we did rekindle the relationship. My iman wasn’t strong enough and I slowly stopped practicing - nobody in my life knew I had become Muslim. For the past two years, while still with her, I’ve been on a cycle: short bursts of practicing in secret, then getting overwhelmed, slipping into sin, feeling guilty and giving up, then getting motivated again months later and starting over. I don’t have Muslim friends, my dad is very Islamophobic (so I haven’t told my family), and I live in a small western town with basically no Muslim community. From where I’m from, becoming Muslim would be seen as shocking. My partner and I have been together on and off for four years and she’s not religious. When I try to pray I do it in secret at home or even at work. I avoid the masjid because I’m terrified of being seen and having my family or partner find out. Alhamdulillah I’ve started practicing again about a week ago and I really want this time to stick. I need practical advice on how to break this cycle and build steady practice while keeping my situation in mind. Any tips on staying consistent, dealing with fear of exposure, strengthening iman, or gently handling the relationship in a way that aligns with Islam would be really appreciated. JazakAllah khair.