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2 months ago

Assalamu Alaikum, Need Some Guidance on Being Dutiful to Parents

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Bismillah. I’m in need of advice regarding birr al-walidayn. Alhamdulillah I’m now a legal adult and can make my own choices about religion and other matters. My family aren’t Muslim. My mum is very emotional and my dad is strongly against my decision - may Allah guide them both. They do love me and work hard, but because I chose Islam (and because of a recent exam result) they say I’m a bad son. They’ve threatened to kick me out if I don’t stop. I practice my faith in secrecy and I’m trying to control my resentment and be a better son for the sake of Allah. Alhamdulillah I’ve had some success. My mum found out I’m Muslim three times and made me promise to stop each time; every discovery made their dislike worse. Back then I wasn’t an adult so I couldn’t do much, but now I can choose to move out. I don’t have a steady job yet, though I have some possible opportunities. I’m not fully dependent on them until those are confirmed, Alhamdulillah. If they actually tell me to leave, how should I behave? Previously when they told me to leave I kept quiet and didn’t defend my faith, but I can’t stay silent forever when they demand explanations. They cry a lot over my conversion; they love me but also strongly dislike it, especially my father - he talks about hurting me and kicking me out. My mum would be heartbroken if he did. The last time I was found out was five months ago; I wasn’t an adult then and my mum asked me to leave. Sorry if I repeated myself - I don’t have much experience writing. Please give me any scholarly advice or practical steps that would help. I want to balance honoring my parents and holding on to my faith. InshaAllah things will get better. JazakAllah khair for any help.

+288

Comments

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7comments
2 months ago

Bro, try compassionate conversation when things are calm. Explain you’ll still care for them and help where you can, just living by faith. If father threatens violence, involve trusted elder or community leader to mediate.

+9
2 months ago

You’re doing the right thing trying to balance both. Document threats if they escalate and don’t hesitate to seek legal help or police if your safety is at risk. Otherwise, patience and consistent kindness usually win hearts over time.

+11
2 months ago

Short and real: keep your iman private, protect yourself, and keep treating them kindly. If you must move out, make a clear plan so you don’t end up stranded. Pray for them constantly.

+3
2 months ago

Man, I’ve been there. Don’t escalate. If you get kicked out, stay calm and leave peacefully - take essentials and ID. Reach out to relatives or mosque brothers for temporary shelter. Your safety is priority, then your duty.

+13
2 months ago

Really tough spot. Maybe delay full disclosure and focus on independence first - secure job or place to stay before confronting them. Keep doing good to them daily, small kindnesses matter. May Allah soften their hearts.

+3
2 months ago

I know it hurts when family reacts badly. Keep fixing your situation step by step: job, savings, housing. Continue to be dutiful outwardly and avoid heated debates. Make dua for them every day.

+11
2 months ago

Wa alaikum assalam brother, stay patient. Keep talking gently, don’t argue. If they force you out, have a plan: save money, find a room, contact a local masjid for support. Respect them even if they’re harsh - that’s true birr. Prayers for guidance.

+4
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