Assalamu alaikum - I need brothers' advice please

Assalamu alaikum, brothers. I appreciate any advice, but I'd rather hear from brothers who might relate more to what I'm going through. I need to be honest with myself and let out things I've kept inside for years. I'm a guy in my early teens. I know I'm young to be posting like this, but I have no one to talk to. I just want to put this out somewhere, hoping someone can help me find a reason to keep going. Nothing feels right in my life. I'm tired of the constant pain and sometimes get suicidal thoughts - not just fleeting ones, but dark ideas about how ending things would solve everything. About the world: people feel selfish, cruel, and hypocritical to me. As someone who loves history, I’ve seen how cruel humans can be and it makes me hate the world sometimes. My country has a rich culture and language that I love, but I see it being pushed aside by technology, urbanization, and changing attitudes. My mother tongue is mocked and I can't speak it openly at home because of social pressure. I can't wear traditional clothes without being judged either. We keep losing nature and animals and it feels like nobody really cares. All this makes the world uglier to me every day. Now my personal part - I feel like a miserable person. I was born much younger than my siblings and they were close to each other but always treated me like an outsider. All my cousins are older, so I never had a proper childhood with playmates. I never had a real companion. As I grew, I couldn't make friends - the kids around me feel immature and it's hard to connect. Seeing others in groups and siblings playing makes me sad. I started preferring loneliness and avoided people, convincing myself it's better. That made me more distant and now I wander around like a ghost. I'm different from others too. I prefer talking to lower-class people more than the upper class, I like old-fashioned things, I care a lot about protecting my family (especially the women), and I don't care for fashion. That makes people keep distance. Since my dad left and my brother went abroad for studies, I'm the only male at home doing all the heavy chores, buying groceries and handling physical tasks. I don't mind working - I believe a man should help and protect his family - but nobody appreciates it and they tell me I'm useless. I can live with that, mostly, but it hurts. No one cares about me. My mum has told me many times I'm a liability, a problem, and even said in anger she wished she could kill me. She has hit me sometimes with cables or sticks and bruised me. Because of our religion and culture I can't disrespect parents, and despite everything I still respect them, but those words and pain stay with me. My family has problems - my father had an affair and my parents are separated. The man I used to see as a hero betrayed my mother and that broke me. About my faith: about a year ago I was very close to Allah and loved Him, but recently I started feeling confused and upset. Sometimes I see Allah's rules as harsh - like He made humans and set a test where disobedience leads to eternal punishment. I still pray five times, make dua for guidance, and do adhkar, but sometimes I do it mainly out of fear of hell. I feel like even this one thing I had might be causing me pain. School is another pressure. My older brother and sister were top students in everything. I can't reach that level no matter how hard I try. There's another student who studies nonstop and seems unbeatable. My mum expects me to be like my siblings and become a topper so she can get praise. She has told me that before and it makes me feel like I'm only valued for what I can bring her reputation. While writing this I was hit again and had my nose bleed. It didn't hurt much physically but it broke my heart. I also feel ugly and embarrassed about my body. I have blackheads and whiteheads, I'm a bit overweight, I don't have a physique I like, my hairstyle seems wrong for my face, and people say I smell even though I shower. I'm treated like an embarrassment when guests come. I'm unusually tall for my age (6'4") and heavy (86kg) but actually quite weak and I've never been in a real fight. I feel like I'm not good at anything. Other people have some skill or hobby - tech, studies, business - but I don't. I like history, philosophy, arts, nature, animals, and poetry, but I feel I know nothing about them and can't do any of them well. I tried drawing, writing, poetry, and reading, but nothing stuck. Physically, my eyesight is terrible without glasses and doctors say it may worsen. I hate wearing glasses because the world feels more alive without them. Because of all this - being lonely, not meeting family expectations, feeling useless, disliking the world, and struggling with faith - I sometimes think about suicide. The only thing stopping me is that it's haram and I'm afraid of the punishment after death. Sometimes I make dua for death when I'm very sad. Please, brothers, if you can give me any reason to live or any advice on how to cope with these feelings, I would be extremely grateful. Any practical steps, reminders from the deen, or personal experiences that helped you would mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khayran.