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3 months ago

As a non‑Muslim, I’m worried I may have unintentionally offended my Muslim classmate - what should I do?

Assalamu alaikum - I'm posting anonymously because I'm embarrassed about something I think I might have done. I'm a college student and there's a kind Muslim classmate of mine. I'm not Muslim and don't know much about Islamic customs, but I want to be respectful. Today I had to do a public speaking assignment and I messed up pretty badly, which was really humiliating. She quietly slid me a note telling me not to be so hard on myself and offering comfort. I've always thought she was very nice and I also personally thought she dressed well, so in my reply note I thanked her and, since I felt I'd already embarrassed myself, I wrote something like “I might as well say I think you’re pretty and have nice fashion taste.” I added that I didn’t mean it in a “weird way” because I’m not romantically interested in women. I was trying to be friendly, but after searching online I read that men should generally avoid commenting on Muslim women’s appearance. I'm really worried I might have unintentionally embarrassed her or crossed a boundary. Should I send an apology email? How should I phrase it? Or should I assume she understood I didn’t know the rules and let it go? I’d appreciate practical advice from Muslims about what to do and how to avoid repeating this mistake in the future. Thank you.

+219

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5comments
3 months ago

No need to panic. Apologize and say you’re learning. Also just avoid compliments about appearance from now on - stick to kindness and support instead. She’ll likely respect the effort.

+6
3 months ago

Quick tip: focus compliments on effort or character - like “you were kind” or “I appreciated your support.” And yeah, a brief apology email would do the trick.

+7
3 months ago

If it were me, I’d send one short message: admit you messed up, apologize, and ask if you can make it right. Shows maturity. Most people accept that mistakes happen.

+7
3 months ago

Honestly, a short sincere apology would clear it up. Say you didn’t know and didn’t mean to offend, and you’ll be more careful. Most people appreciate that. Don’t overexplainedramble, just be genuine.

+14
3 months ago

Been there. A quick note like “sorry if my comment made you uncomfortable, I didn’t know and I’ll respect your boundaries” is enough. Keep it simple and move on.

+6
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