Alhamdulillah I was able to move on - please learn from my mistakes
As-salamu alaykum. Don’t pursue someone you can’t reasonably marry; it only brings pain for both of you. I just went through something heavy and want to share what I learned. Maybe it’ll spare someone else that hurt. If you’re talking to a sister (or brother) and deep down you know marriage isn’t realistic right now - stop before feelings deepen. You might tell yourself, “We’re just talking,” or “I’ll make it happen later.” But that’s how shaytan works. What starts innocent becomes emotional dependence. You begin imagining them in your future and making excuses. You tell yourself you can change them, or maybe you can relax a bit on your deen. The truth is you can’t fix someone - that’s not your role. Allah guides whom He wills. If the foundation already needs fixing, it’s not true love but attachment mixed with wishful thinking. I met this person when I wasn’t fully focused on Allah. I chose comfort over clarity. They were a light in a dark time, but that light came from my desire to escape pain, not from Allah. That’s why letting go hurt so much. But wallahi, when I finally said, “I can’t do this anymore,” I felt relief, like a weight was lifted. Sometimes love is measured by what you give up for the sake of Allah. If you’re in this situation, remind yourself: if it’s written, it will happen the proper way. If it’s not, forcing it will only wound you. Choose your peace. Choose your deen. Allah replaces what you leave for His sake with something better. I’m learning that now. - What I told her (in simpler words): I can’t keep doing this. I thought I could balance things, but I can’t. Talking with you keeps bringing up feelings that clash with what I’m trying to focus on - and how I’m trying to change as a Muslim. We met when we were different people, and now we’ve both changed again. You were kind and made me feel seen back then. Thank you. Honestly, going from one thought to another isn’t healthy. I thought I’d changed, but I can’t keep that balance. You are a respectable sister with your own life, and I find it hard not to think about you or feel the urge to protect you. But I can’t protect you - I’m just a man. I wish things were different, and I wish I could have been a better friend. But it’s time to say goodbye. I have to let you go. My sincere wish for you is that you draw nearer to Allah. I wish I could help more, but no one helps better than Allah. May Allah protect you on your path.