A practical way to find a chaste spouse, insha'Allah

Assalamu alaikum, I'm sharing this to help those who want a spouse who is also a virgin. First, remember: good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. A lot of problems around past sins, hiding things, or unfaithfulness could be avoided if people clearly state their dealbreakers early on. I honestly think many marital issues start because folks don't write down what they expect in a spouse. From now on, before getting emotionally attached, make a simple list and share it before meeting. Start with something like: “I am a virgin and I expect the same. I don’t want someone who has been intimate with others, whether through zina or any form of minor zina (like kissing or oral).” Then add other items such as: “I want a wife who prays Tahajjud,” “I want a wife who is affectionate,” etc. The longer and clearer your list, the better - this applies to both men and women. Don’t make it a rigid yes/no checklist; just let the other person read it beforehand or send it by message. If the other person has a past, they can politely say, “We’re not compatible,” without giving details. That keeps things private and dignified, saves time, and prevents prolonged disappointment. Always make du‘a that Allah grants you what you want. Why do many people prefer a spouse without a past, even if someone repented? A few reasons: - Emotional or psychological baggage - Risk of STDs - Desire for mutual purity - Fear of social stigma or mockery - Concern they might repeat past sins - Feeling “less special” or worry about thoughts of past partners during intimacy When you read stories online about infidelity, don’t let them terrify you. Learn from them instead. Build a focused list about personality, religiosity, and lifestyle (views on children, religious practice, even practical things like vaccine stances if important to you). Don’t go overboard with unrealistic demands - write what you genuinely need for a stable marriage. Remember, perfection doesn’t exist. We should work on being the best spouses we can: learn about attachment, intimacy, emotional needs, and romance. I worry sometimes about what we see online, but I trust that a pious, well-raised spouse who fears Allah will cherish and remain loyal to their partner. The same goes for men. So, brothers and sisters: don’t be consumed by fear. Strive to improve yourself, trust Allah, and keep making du‘a for a righteous partner. I believe this approach helps people find a chaste spouse without forcing anyone to disclose painful past details. Thanks for reading - hope it helps.