A Note to Brothers Struggling With Sexual Self-Control, Assalamu alaikum

Assalamu alaikum brothers, I’m an adult now, but I first encountered porn as a teenager. From then into adulthood I kept falling into the same pattern. For a long time I told myself I had a “high sex drive.” I heard voices saying masturbation was normal or healthy. Meanwhile it was quietly eating away at me. Looking back, I see how it weakens a man - not by physical strength necessarily, but by sapping discipline and direction. Something I wish someone had told me: most of the time you don’t have a mysterious “high sex drive.” What you have is an undisciplined limbic system - that primal part of the brain that reacts, craves, and fires impulses without morals, values, or long-term thinking. It’s basic instinct, nothing more. The part of you with values, the part that cares who you want to be and thinks about the future, lives in the frontal part of your mind. That’s the leader. But when the primal side is overstimulated again and again, that leader gets knocked out. That’s how addiction begins: the primitive part takes over. I don’t judge men who fall into this. I feel compassion. Many of us were children when this started. Porn is made free for a reason - because we’re the ones being used. You don’t always pay with money; you pay with attention, clarity, manhood, and eventually your sense of self. When I began to abstain, things changed. The first 2–3 days were rough, like withdrawal, but then a shift happened. Dopamine responses settled. Energy felt like it was staying inside me rather than leaking out. Studying became easier. My workouts felt sharper. Stress didn’t throw me off as quickly. Self-control felt stronger and more natural. That’s when I realized it wasn’t about “high libido” or just hormones. It was a primal system running wild without discipline. My simple message to any brother reading this: you’re not broken or cursed. You need to take back the driver’s seat while you’re still young. If you don’t, the lowest part of your mind will steer your life, not the part that plans, thinks, and strives to improve. Mastering this now is one of the most important things a young Muslim man can do, married or not. If you don’t gain control over your desires, they will end up controlling everything. May Allah grant us strength, tawfiq, and istiqamah. Take small steps, keep up the prayers, and seek support from trusted brothers or scholars if you need it. You're not alone.