A few questions about love and marriage (Assalāmu ‘alaykum)
Assalāmu ‘alaykum, I’ve known since I was young that I’m attracted to women, and even as a teen I understood what loyalty meant. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of husband who, if he truly loves his wife, stays with her no matter what - even if she became deaf or blind. Writing this because growing up in the West and seeing how messy modern dating can be has made me anxious. People might call me a “simp” on the streets - but I’d be a simp for my wife. By that I mean small, everyday acts of care: kissing her before I leave for work, bringing her snacks during her period, reading Qur’an for her when she’s ill, buying thoughtful gifts, cooking when she’s had a rough day, massaging her feet during pregnancy. To me that’s the bare minimum for a spouse. I’m not married yet, but that’s the kind of man I hope to become. Now I’m almost 25. I’ve never committed zina, but temptations feel stronger lately. Sometimes the thoughts whisper: “No woman will love you for who you are. You’ve tried and you still haven’t found her. Why not enjoy yourself like others? Join the dating scene. Other men get intimacy easily. Once you’re stable, fit, and have a house, women will come - but only for what you have, not for who you are.” Then my more pious side answers: “Those men aren’t necessarily happy. Many are with women who don’t value themselves. They don’t find the pious, honorable woman who protects her dignity. Wouldn’t you want a wife who’s truly loyal, someone no other man could claim even if you were blind?” The temptation becomes more convincing each day, and what keeps me away from sin is the fear of dying in a state of zina. I wouldn’t want another man treating my daughter or sister that way - so how could I do that to someone else’s family? I also want my future wife to have preserved herself, so I should do the same. Remembering that Allah sees everything helps me stay on the straight path. My question - especially to men who loved and treated their wives with kindness - is this: Do pious women actually appreciate the sort of love I described, or are women generally drawn to a different kind of man (the idea that women don’t like a gentle, affectionate husband)? And to the sisters: do you value those gestures I mentioned (bringing snacks, massaging, reading Qur’an for you, small acts of care), or would you lose interest if a husband shows that kind of softness and support? JazakAllāhu khayr for any honest experiences or advice.