Struggling with Illness and Seeking Forgiveness

Salaam everyone, I wanted to open up about something and maybe get some advice on how to handle my situation. I pray that sharing this doesn’t reveal any of my sins, and I’ll try my best to keep things vague. I’ve had a medical problem since around 2023 or 2024. It was bearable before, but it made daily life, sleep, and work really tough to focus on. After finishing Islamic school at about 12 or 13, up until just before this Ramadan (I’m 20 now), I wasn’t practicing. I even fell into a major sin that still haunts me and makes me feel like I can’t be forgiven, though I try to hold onto hope in Allah’s mercy. During Ramadan, I decided to turn things around. I stopped some bad habits and I’m still fighting to leave that big sin. But right after I started trying to change, my health got much worse by Allah’s will. Now I can hardly eat without pain, moving is difficult, I rarely go out, and I have to do tayammum for prayer. It’s been around two months like this. I had so many plans to make amends with Allah, hoping He’d forgive me-like praying at the masjid daily or organizing charity work-but now with my condition, those goals feel ten times harder. Lately, I’ve been having thoughts of ending my life (I’m not sure if just having those thoughts is sinful, please let me know if you have knowledge about that). I keep wondering, is this a punishment for what I did? I keep repenting, but things only seem to get worse. How can I get through each day with more strength and have more trust in Allah when every day feels heavier? Any advice or words of comfort would mean a lot.