Losing My Mum at 9 and My Sister at 12: When Childhood Grief Comes Back

Me, my mum, and my sister-we were always a trio. Everything we did, we did together. When my mum passed away, I didn't really get to grieve properly. I just had to survive. One day I was my mum's prince, cuddling her and feeling safe; the next, I was living with my elderly grandparents and had to grow up fast. I got some support, sure, but never the kind that let me fully process what happened. So I kept most of it inside. Then, three years later, my little sister passed too. I was still just a kid. At that point, I was more focused on my dad and trying to keep things together. Again, I never gave myself a chance to really grieve. Recently, I watched some old videos of them that I'd never seen before. For years, I struggled to picture their faces or remember their voices clearly. But after seeing those clips, it's all slowly coming back-their smiles, their voices, the way they moved. This year, for the first time, the anniversaries of their passing feel connected in my mind, and it's hitting differently. It's like both losses are sitting on my chest at the same time. I've been crying for days now. I feel numb, empty, restless, and just really low. I honestly don't think I've ever felt this sad in my life. It's like three souls left this world, but I'm still here breathing. I think about them every single day, but this feels different. It's like the grief I buried as a child has reopened now that I'm older. Has anyone else experienced grief resurfacing years later like this? How do you keep going day by day when it hits this hard? I just need to know I'm not losing my mind.