Is Our Marriage Timeline Islamically Appropriate?
Assalamu alaikum, I’ve been talking to a Muslim sister for about a month now, and we’re both serious about getting married and want to do everything in a halal and respectful manner. Our timeline looks something like this: • September 2026: meet in person After that: no contact for a few months • January 2027: start communicating again and arrange for our mothers to meet • Around June 2027: become “engaged” in the Western sense-meaning we announce our intentions officially, but no nikah yet • January 2028: legal marriage / nikah (a few weeks after the legal one) • Summer 2028: walima celebration My main worry is the period from January 2027 until the nikah in February 2028. She wants us to stay in touch during that year so she can really get to know me before marriage. She doesn’t have brothers, uncles, or any close male mahram who can supervise the process-only her mother and sister. I suggested having a WhatsApp group chat with her sister or mother included, so the communication stays transparent and not completely private. She’s not comfortable with that. A little background: her father was abusive and aggressive, so she’s understandably afraid of marrying someone without properly knowing his personality and character. I totally get her concern and don’t want her to feel pressured or unable to ask important questions. At the same time, I’m uncomfortable with having private, regular contact for over a year while we’re still non-mahram. I worry it might slowly turn into something like a boyfriend-girlfriend situation, even if we don’t intend that. A Western-style engagement wouldn’t make us halal for each other either. I’m not saying we should marry without getting to know each other. I’m trying to find a balance between: 1. Her legitimate need to feel safe and properly assess my character 2. My desire to avoid a prolonged private relationship before nikah 3. Involving family without making her feel controlled because of her past experiences Just to add, the wedding is planned for summer 2028 because that’s when she’ll finish school-she’s still quite young, that’s why. Jazakum Allahu khairan for any advice.