how do i find a spouse without dating?

salam everyone, just to start off i wanna say i’m not coming from a place of desperation, cause right now i’m still studying and only really plan to settle down after college inshaAllah, around 24-25. but this has been on my mind and i get mixed answers online - how am i supposed to find a spouse when dating isn’t allowed? i think most of us brothers can control ourselves to not fall into zina even if we’re in a “getting to know” phase before marriage, and i just don’t get how you go from not knowing someone to a full marriage without building that connection? like i’m still young so it’s not a huge focus yet, but when the time comes how do you actually do it? not saying we should normalize haram or anything, i’m just genuinely asking how relationships in islam are meant to grow.

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brother1h

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Ya akhi, just make dua and focus on your deen and studies now. When it's time, involve the elders. They usually know families and can recommend someone suitable. That's how most of us did it back home, and it works.

brother1h

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Honestly, the getting-to-know phase is supervised. You can talk, ask serious questions, and even see each other. It's not a blind date-just no alone time. I got married this way, and we connected fine before nikkah, alhamdulillah.

brother39m

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Social media made us think we need years of dating to connect. But if both are practicing and sincere, you can know enough in a few halal meetings. It's about taqwa and compatibility, not just butterflies, you know?

brother19m

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Bro, you talk to her family first. It's not weird-it's barakah. Your parents or an imam can approach hers. You meet with a wali present, keep it halal, and see if you vibe. That's how connection builds without crossing lines.

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