How can I reconnect with Allah after turning away from my faith?
Assalamu alaikum everyone! I grew up in a Muslim family who are very committed to the deen, and for a long time, I felt strongly attached to Islam-even when I wasn't practicing consistently, I was always protective of my faith. About three years back, during my high school years, I decided to take my practice seriously: I started praying five times a day, quit listening to music, and made an effort to read the Quran and learn more about Islam regularly. But, strangely, that's when my iman started to weaken. I had so many doubts and questions, and I grew so frustrated that I eventually gave up and left the faith for three years. Looking back, I'm embarrassed to say that I developed a lot of anger toward religion-even hearing the word "Islam" would upset me. Yet deep down, I think I always knew the truth was in Islam. In moments when I felt close to danger or death, fear of Allah's punishment would hit me immediately, and no matter how much I tried to ignore it, I couldn't shake the feeling that Islam was right. Just seeing the signs of the Last Day and the miracles in the Quran makes it clear... I don't want to live in denial anymore or be among those on Judgment Day who are blinded from the truth. Jahanam isn't worth it. My problem now is that while I know Islam is the truth in my head, my heart doesn't feel connected to Allah or His Messenger (peace be upon him). During those years away, I watched videos and listened to arguments against religion just to ease my guilt about leaving. I think all that time feeding my doubts has made it hard for me to truly reconnect now. Even when I'm not questioning Allah’s existence, I find myself questioning His message, and those old videos still affect my desire to practice. Lately, I've been trying harder: for nearly two weeks, I've been praying five times daily, reading Quran and hadith, and avoiding music. But I know actions alone aren't enough-I still don't feel that deep faith and love for Allah, His Prophet, and Islam in my heart. Sometimes, whispers tempt me to go back to disbelief, but I don't want Shaytan to play with my mind anymore. So, for anyone who's been through something similar, what can I do to rebuild that bond with Allah after years of turning away? Barakallahu feekum 🙏🏼