Finding Strength Through Trials: A Cry for Support

As-salamu alaykum, my brothers and sisters. I've been carrying this burden for so long, and with Allah as my witness, I desperately need to share it before it overwhelms me completely. I'm a university student, and truthfully, I've reached a point where the weight of this world feels too heavy to bear. Lately, life has tested me severely. I feel spiritually weak, empty inside, and profoundly alone in my struggles. I tried confiding in someone once. I told my closest friend about my feelings and my profound despair. She didn't know how to respond and thought I wasn't being serious. Seeing her reaction, I panicked, pretended it was a joke, and changed the subject. Now I avoid speaking about my emotions, fearing no one can comprehend this pain. Much of this hardship stems from my father's actions. My mother raised us alone while he worked away for 25 years. When he finally returned, he had earned substantial wealth. But instead of providing for his family as Islam teaches, he wasted every penny on gambling, intoxicants, and people who exploited him. He showed no concern for his wife or children. Now he possesses nothing. My mother has long wished for a separation, but she was advised she would receive nothing in settlement since he legally owns nothing. So my mother worked tirelessly, making immense sacrifices to pay for my education. Alhamdulillah, through her efforts and Allah's grace, I was accepted into one of the country's top universities. Recently, by Allah's will, I achieved a ranking in the top five of my class. I thought I would feel joy, but walking home, I saw fathers embracing their children, expressing pride, and easing their paths. I simply broke down weeping right there on the street. I have never known such support. The last time I argued with my father, he struck me and told me he wished harm upon me and that he didn't care if I failed in my studies. His words wounded me deeper than any physical blow. All I've ever needed was for him to be present or at least supportive of my endeavors. Instead, I must listen to friends describe their caring, involved fathers who provide for them and accompany them. Meanwhile, the summer months, which should be a time of rest, have become the darkest period of my year. Last summer, I reached my lowest point spiritually and emotionally. My heart is conflicted. I struggle with these feelings that affect every aspect of my life. I'm turning to this community, placing my trust in Allah (swt), and seeking your compassionate counsel and prayers. Please remember me in your du'as.