Feeling Alone on the Straight Path?
As-salamu alaykum. I'm living in a place where most people follow many gods, so among the few Muslims I know-friends and family-hardly any take their faith seriously. I used to be the same, raised to just accept Islam without really digging into it. I learned to read the Qur'an in Arabic but never grasped the meaning, and honestly didn't care much. Recently, though, I started teaching myself about Islam again and have been trying my best to follow it. It's tough because everyone around me is lost in disbelief, and even my Muslim family isn't much help. My brother boasts about doing haram things, my dad doesn't show he's a Muslim in his actions except for believing in Tawheed, and my mom only prays during Ramadan. I had a friend a while back who pushed me to follow Islam, and with his support, by Allah's will, I began to learn and practice. But I recently ended the friendship because he started sinning openly and proudly, which really hurts-I thought we were supposed to help each other stay on track and avoid wrong. From my view, I know there are hundreds of millions of Muslims worldwide who are devout and striving to do good. They're with me; we're all part of the same Ummah. Still, living like this, unmarried and without close friends (since I can't befriend disbelievers deeply), it's incredibly hard to fit in or 'live' like those around me. Things like drinking and indecency are everywhere, and so are drugs. Praying isn't just a quick trip to the masjid-college, social life, travel, everything gets in the way. Following our deen isn't nearly as easy as it would be in a Muslim country, or even with a family that encouraged me instead of leaving me to doubt myself and my efforts for Allah's sake. I'm not claiming to be perfect. It just gets really lonely staying on the right path when nobody nearby is walking it with you. I also yearn for love, intimacy, and companionship. Sometimes, I even feel tempted by the idea of drugs. But I hold back for Allah's sake, though it's a struggle with hardly any human support. I can mostly avoid intoxicants-they don't appeal much to me. But desire for intimacy grows stronger every day. Fasting hasn't helped much, even though our Prophet (peace be upon him) advised it for those who can't marry. And no, marriage isn't an option for me soon. حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ-Allah is enough for us, and He is the best to rely on. TL;DR: Feeling isolated trying to stay righteous, with little support around. Need advice on dealing with desires for closeness and friendship, but mostly just needed to share.