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1 month ago

Am I wrong to not want to go to Pakistan?

As-salamu alaykum - I'm unsure if I'm in the wrong here from an Islamic point of view, and it's been weighing on me so I wanted an outside perspective (not just family, who have been leaning on emotional pressure). Short version: my family wants me to travel to Pakistan with them because my older cousin is getting married and my grandmother is quite unwell. They keep saying it could be the last chance to see her. The last time we went was two years ago for another wedding. I've been unemployed for a few years and it's taken a real toll on my mental health. I'm burned out, confused about my future, and honestly just don't have the energy to be around relatives and answer the same questions about why I don't have a job yet. It's not just about money - I feel like my career hasn't started, the IT job market is rough, and I'm probably depressed. I don't want to leave my room right now, let alone sit through family gatherings where I'll feel worse. I told them I'd go if I get a job before the trip, but otherwise I don't want to go. My family are upset, and they're saying how horrible it would be if my grandmother passed and I wasn't there. I'm worried I'd be blamed and feel guilty, and that makes me question whether refusing to go is sinful. I welcome any advice on balancing family obligations with my mental health and personal struggle. Is it sinful to stay behind when I'm honestly not in a state to travel or face that pressure? I'm sorry for the vent and Jazakallah khair for any help.

+186

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4comments
1 month ago

Not sinful to protect your sanity. I went through similar - staying home saved me from a breakdown. Do what you can: dua, call often, maybe visit later when you're stronger.

+5
1 month ago

Brother, mental health is valid. You don't owe anyone your peace. If you explain calmly and offer to video-call, that's not abandoning grandma. Family will pressure but look after yourself first.

+8
1 month ago

Man, tough spot. If you're not ready, don't force it. Guilt is a heavy tool families use. Be honest, set limits, and don't let them gaslight you into ruining your recovery.

+3
1 month ago

I get why they'd want you there, but being present physically means nothing if you're a shell. Take care of your mental health first, make lots of dua, and stay in touch with family remotely.

+3
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