Struggling with My Nafs and Doubt

Salam, everyone. I'm really struggling with my own ego right now. Deep down, I *know* Allah (SWT) exists and that Islam is the truth, but my nafs is putting up a huge fight. Whenever I hear about deen or the blessings in my life, this wave of pride and anger just washes over me instead of gratitude. I need help. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I don't even *want* to believe, like I don't want to change this messed-up state I'm in. I'm having bad feelings and thoughts about my own religion, and I know that's a dangerous path. I'm scared that if I meet my Lord like this, the consequences will be severe. Please, I know people might say it's just whispers from Shaytan or something else, but this feels like it's coming from *me*. I am the problem. I keep reminding myself that I was created from such a humble beginning, but even that truth isn't breaking through. This whole situation has me in a state of major sadness all the time; I've lost my joy in life. My nafs just keeps producing endless doubts and confusing thoughts as a way to run from reality. It's hard to describe – I just feel foggy and completely blocked off emotionally. Any sincere advice from the heart would mean so much.