Struggling through hardship that causes deep pain
My entire life’s savings are gone, I’ve lost my car, and now I’m deep in debt-about 20k. I’m still living with my parents, don’t have a wife, and there’s no job in sight. For two years straight, my mind has been in complete torture; every door seems shut. I feel like I’ve brought shame on my parents-they look at me with disappointment, always asking what’s going on, and I can’t even tell them. Everything shifted so suddenly, and I haven’t been able to bounce back or find a way out of this trial. Alhamdulillah, I’ve started praying five times a day, learning a whole book of duas and dhikr daily, memorizing Quran, and basically living at the masjid, adding nafl prayers on top. I’ve been going above and beyond, yet nothing seems to change. While I’m grateful that Allah guided me to more knowledge, I still need a dunya to live in. Out of shame, I leave the house every day to hide in the park or the masjid because my parents keep questioning why I’m not working or making something of my life. They need financial support, and I can’t help them. Every night, I cry, asking Allah to forgive them and assist them, and I make dua for an increase in wealth so I can support them. Two years have passed, and I just can’t take it anymore-20k in debt with no idea how to pay it off. I haven’t felt relief in so long that my mind has grown used to hardship; I can’t even smile the same way. Stress has changed my appearance, but I still hold onto my character-always smiling and kind with others, yet completely broken inside. I’m exhausted. When will this nightmare end? My mind won’t let me move forward; it keeps replaying the money I lost, and I’ve lost hope for my future. All my friends are settled, married, and have their own homes masha’Allah, while everyone pities me. I’ve been tormenting my soul and haven’t done anything enjoyable to take my mind off things because I’m stuck in constant despair and grief. Honestly, please don’t tell me to just pray more-I’ve heard it all. I don’t understand why I’m being tested so intensely or when it will stop. I’m starting to feel dark inside and truly don’t know what to do.