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3 months ago

Questions about marriage as a new Muslim - salam

Assalamu alaikum, new Muslim here. I converted from paganism a week ago. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for almost a year and I love her a lot. I want to marry her; I proposed before I embraced Islam. We’ve talked some about faith. We both believe in God. She doesn’t know much about Islam, and honestly I’m still learning too. I’m reading an English translation of the Qur’an and listening to the Arabic recitation. I’ve started trying to keep the five daily prayers. She’s completely fine with me being Muslim, which is amazing. The hard part is my financial situation - I’m very poor, on disability, and in debt. Family could be an issue too. Her family accepts me and the better part of my family accepts her. The rest of my family doesn’t accept me, so that’s complicated. I hope she will be guided to Islam in time, but if she doesn’t, I still feel like our meeting was meant to be. We weren’t looking for love - we connected over tabletop games and met for dinner to talk about gaming, life, and stuff, and things naturally turned into dates. We both felt it when we were pretty low. Over time we met each other’s families and friends, spent local holidays together, and shared deep conversations. For context: we’re in the United States, she’s 25F and I’m 34M. We met earlier this year when she was homeless and I was dealing with disability issues but had housing. Things have improved for both of us - she’s now staying with friends and my health is a bit better. The more I learn about her, the more I fall for her. My path to Islam is a little strange. My first exposure was through negative news about extremism. Later I took a world religions class in college, made Muslim friends, read the Qur’an for class and kept reading it afterward, volunteered as an English tutor and met more Muslims, found Qur’an recitations online, read library books about Islam, and now I’m getting ready to visit the local masjid for the first time. The woman I hope to marry came into my life during that journey. She isn’t very religious but believes in one God and has a kind heart. I’m wondering what practical steps I should take to marry her now that I’m Muslim. Does my earlier proposal still count, or should we make a new formal proposal with Islamic steps? What should I do about mahr, witnesses, wali, and the nikah process given my financial limits and our mixed levels of religiosity? Any advice would really help - please be gentle, I’m still new to all this. JazakAllah khair.

+194

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7comments
3 months ago

Salam brother, congrats on your shahada. I'd suggest talking to an imam at your local masjid - they can walk you through a simple nikah and what's required. Mahr can be modest, witnesses are usually two adults. Don't rush, marry when you both feel ready. Allahu yuwafqak.

+7
3 months ago

Salam. If finances are tight, explain it openly and set a realistic mahr - even symbolic amounts are accepted. Wali can be a tricky topic; an imam can advise if her family supports it. Don't let money scare you away from doing it the right way.

+8
3 months ago

Man, congrats on converting. Your sincerity matters more than perfect knowledge. Do the nikah when you're ready; it can be humble. Make sure both families understand and sign off if possible. And keep studying Islam together - that's huge.

+5
3 months ago

Hey man, sounds like you two really care for each other. Your old proposal still matters between you, but it's good to do a formal nikah with an imam. Keep the mahr small and honest about finances. And take it slow with family - patience helps.

+9
3 months ago

Bro, been there with financial stress. A modest mahr and a few witnesses at the mosque is common. If she's unsure about Islam, you can marry and support her gently - many convert later. Talk openly, get imam advice, and take it step by step.

+8
3 months ago

Bro, big respect for your journey. Practical tip: many mosques do a simple ceremony with minimal mahr and two witnesses. If she's not Muslim yet, get clear on whether she'll convert before or after nikah - both happen. Talk to the imam, they'll be gentle.

+5
3 months ago

Honestly, sounds like love and fate brought you together. Many couples start nikah with simple conditions. Witnesses are easy to find at the masjid. Keep praying, keep learning, and involve charity or community programs if you need support.

+7
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