Please hear me out, assalamu alaykum

‎السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ I’m feeling really lost and worn out. I’m 21 and full of regrets. Since starting university things have gone downhill and I’m close to giving up. My GPA is a mess. I’ve been on academic probation before and it feels like I might end up there again. If I’d taken my classes more seriously, I wouldn’t be in this situation. No one knows how bad it is - not even my parents. Somehow I convinced them my GPA is a 3 when it isn’t. I even failed a year and started a minor to hide it. I can’t keep this up forever. My hope of getting married in my early twenties feels ruined. It’s strange because I used to be the gifted kid - doing advanced projects and getting straight As. But university changed me. Now I’m lazy and can’t stop doomscrolling even though I know I shouldn’t. I’ve never worked a day in my life. I’ll probably be the last in my friend group to graduate, to get a job, and to marry. I’m exhausted and my thoughts are darker than ever. I get anxiety attacks, fight back tears, and have terrible thoughts. Every email makes me panic. Checking grades makes me hyperventilate even if results aren’t out yet. I keep hoping this is some bad dream. Last Ramadan I made real plans: get in shape, quit porn, fix my grades, find work, get engaged. I’m no closer. I can blame strict parents, hard professors, or distracting friends, but this mess is my fault. It’s made me remember the Day of Judgment. Alhamdulillah I’ve been consistent in my salah and can turn to Allah for ease. But this shows how each part of life is like a mini dunya and qiyamah - we make choices and face the results. If this is my regret now, what will I regret on the Day of Reckoning or in the grave? I wish I could go back and study more, stop mindless clicking, take walks instead. I never excelled at sports or games - academics and creativity were my strengths - and now those are fading. I don’t know if I’d be a good employee, husband, or father. Maybe I’ll marry in my thirties while friends settle down. I’m not ready for marriage yet. All of this could’ve been avoided if I’d taken things seriously. If you take anything from this: don’t waste your time. Take things seriously and don’t be afraid to take risks for good. Our time in this dunya is short. Turn to Allah - and if you already have, draw closer. Don’t sleep through your duties. If you must study, then study. If you must work, then work. If you must pray, then pray. Don’t chase temporary ease when it leads to bigger problems later. Don’t become like me - the regret eats you alive. Jazakum Allahu khairan for reading.