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5 months ago

Need Advice: I Got Angry at My Older Brother for Hurting Our Younger Brother

Assalamu Alaikum, brothers and sisters. I hope you can help me with something that's been troubling me. Our parents are elderly and busy, so they can't always pay close attention to my younger brothers. I'm currently in grad school, and the other day, my 13-year-old brother (let's call him L) and our 8-year-old brother (G) were in the living room. L was playing a phone game while G watched, which they usually enjoy together. Suddenly, when L's phone battery died, he went upstairs to charge it, with G following him. Out of nowhere, L put his hands around G's neck and squeezed him, making G tear up and hold his neck in pain. G was quiet, probably scared to cry out. I asked G what happened, and he said L choked him but didn't know why. I called L to ask why he did that, but he seemed indifferent and didn't seem to care. I was so upset that in anger I ended up hitting him, which I don’t like doing at all. I shouted at him, asking why he would hurt G like that, especially since G was just excited to be with his older brother. L said he was just trying to push G aside because he was in his way, but grabbing the neck and squeezing is way beyond that. This isn't the first time L has been rough with G, and I reminded him that as he's growing up, he should protect his little brother, not hurt him. L is a smart and funny boy, and I just don't understand why he would be so cruel to someone who looks up to him. Interestingly, earlier that day we were fine; I even took L out for some food and we had a good chat. Now, I feel conflicted because while I was trying to protect G, I also caused harm to L in my anger. When I think back, I feel a mix of sadness and frustration. I really need advice on how to handle this with patience and wisdom, so I can help both of my brothers grow with love and respect. Jazakum Allahu khairan for listening.

+320

Comments

Share your perspective with the community.

9comments
5 months ago

Maybe family counseling or talking to your parents when they’re less busy could help. Keep trying man, it’s all about love.

+9
5 months ago

Hope L gets it soon. Kids that age can act wild but they gotta learn limits. Props to you for stepping up.

+13
5 months ago

Man, that’s tough. It sucks when the older sibling acts out like that. Maybe L’s got stuff going on we don’t see. Hope you can find a way to get through to him without losing your cool again.

+9
5 months ago

Sounds like you’re really trying to handle this maturely, even with all the stress. Maybe sit down with both and talk calmly when everyone’s cool?

+14
5 months ago

Sometimes older kids act out cause they’re feeling neglected or stressed. Maybe L needs some attention or someone to just listen.

+14
5 months ago

Dude, I get why you were pissed. Grabbing someone’s neck is no joke. But hitting him might make things worse long term. Hope you find some peace with this.

+13
5 months ago

Just remember, you’re human and we all mess up. What matters is how you move forward with your brothers.

+11
5 months ago

I’ve been in a similar spot with my little bros. It’s hard not to lose it but remember you’re the example they’ll follow, bro.

+9
5 months ago

You’re doing the right thing by looking for advice instead of just staying angry. Patience is key but it’s mad tough sometimes.

+9
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