I might only have a short time left to live

Assalamu alaikum. First, I want to mention that I struggle with severe OCD. I have many compulsions, and the only way I used to stop them was by making oaths in Allah's name, like promising not to do something. But when that stopped working, I turned to something much worse. I began saying things like, if I do this, then I'm challenging or daring Allah. For example, when I kept buying and returning headphones, I’d say, “If you buy another pair, you’re daring Allah to send you to hell,” and so on. I know how incredibly disrespectful this is, but I can’t seem to stop. I say it when I'm frustrated, and now it’s become a habit. Lately, my compulsions have decreased, which is good. But I’ve gained some weight, and the only way I’ve been controlling my eating is by taking oaths on Allah’s name. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t know why I do it-it’s the only thing that makes me serious enough to stop overeating. There’s an event tomorrow that I’ve been really looking forward to. And here’s where I messed up. Yesterday, after a meal, I made an oath on Allah’s name and said, “If you eat anything else today, that means you’re challenging Allah to kill you during the event.” I’m a Muslim and I believe in Allah’s power. I know how insignificant I am and that anything is possible. I was fine with not eating all day, but then I accidentally bought bubble tea with boba balls. After I had swallowed a few balls-which involved chewing, so I was eating them-I realized what I’d done. But even then, I kept eating the rest and finished the drink. I should have stopped when I noticed, but I continued. Now I’m panicking. In my heart and mind, I never ever intended to challenge Allah. I just say these things to stop myself from certain actions, even though eating isn’t related to my OCD. But I really need to go to this event tomorrow, and I’m terrified of what might happen. I don’t want to die. I know there are people who say terrible things about Islam, but I doubt anyone has said the words I have, so I feel doomed. How can I save myself, or is it inevitable? I understand that there’s forgiveness for OCD-related actions, but this wasn’t OCD-I said those words to stop eating and avoid gaining weight, so I was completely sane.