Finding strength in faith while navigating life's toughest trials

As-salamu alaykum, and Ramadan Mubarak to everyone. This post touches on very personal experiences, so please read with care and remember that there's a person and fellow servant of Allah behind these words. I was born into a Muslim family in a Muslim-majority country, alhamdulillah, and have practiced Islam all my life. However, I've always experienced same-gender attraction, from my earliest memories onward. Growing up, I believed this was something I needed to change, so I dedicated myself to prayer, fasting, and avoiding sin as much as possible. In an attempt to live what I thought was the right life, I pursued a relationship with a wonderful Muslim sister with the intention of marriage. After our families' blessings, we became engaged. But over time, I realized I couldn't truly give her the love she deserved-it wasn't fair to either of us. So, with a heavy heart, I ended the engagement. That decision led to years of difficulty. My family couldn't understand my choice since I couldn't explain my full struggle, and I felt isolated. For a while, I lost hope and gave in to haram actions, which I deeply regret. But through Allah's mercy, a health scare brought me back to my deen. I've come to understand that having these feelings isn't sinful, but acting on them is. Since then, I've devoted myself to seeking sincere tawbah and staying steadfast. I've committed to a life of chastity, trusting in Allah's plan. Some days are harder than others, and I wonder why I face this test, but I hold onto the belief that Allah only tests those He knows can bear it. I'm on a lifelong journey, striving against my nafs daily. If anyone has advice or duas to share, I'd be grateful. JazakAllah khair for listening.