A Mother's Love, A Challenging Test: Finding Peace in a Difficult Relationship

Assalam Alaikum, my dear brothers and sisters. There is a well-known hadith where our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), when asked about who deserves our greatest kindness, said 'your mother' three times, and on the fourth, said 'your father.' Many of us know this hadith. Lately, reflecting on this has been a source of deep internal struggle for me. By the grace of Allah, I am a practicing Muslim. I strive to pray five times a day with the congregation, avoid interest and other major sins, and follow the teachings as best I can. But last night was one of the hardest tests I've faced. The emotional pain was so severe that if not for my firm belief in Allah's mercy and the reality of the Hereafter, I would have been in a very dark place. This felt different from past struggles-the hurt was overwhelming. I love my mother deeply. I make dua for her health and longevity, take her to medical appointments, and manage her medications. It pains me to say this, but her manner can be very controlling and has been for years. She is pleasant only when everything is done her way, especially regarding family matters, which I stepped back from long ago. She has sometimes manipulated situations between me and my father. Constantly, she makes me feel like I am a disappointment. For years, I have endured this. We live in a joint family. Whenever certain relatives visit-particularly from her side of the family-she insists I sit with them, even though they often show me no respect or interest. If I refuse, it causes an argument. She pressures me to accompany them or call them, knowing how much I dislike it. Yesterday, another set of relatives was over. She made me sit with them, then repeatedly cut me off when I tried to speak. I eventually left, and she came to ask why. I was direct: 'Why make me stay if I am not allowed to speak?' I even suggested she converse with the women and let me talk with the men. It became a heated moment, and I felt torn between my duty to respect my parent and my need for self-respect. This situation has even affected how my wife sees me. She sees that there is no strong male presence in the house besides my father, and she knows I am reluctant to confront my mother. Recently, I asked my wife for something while she was helping my mother, and I was completely forgotten for hours. It made me feel worse, as if even my wife doesn't take me seriously. My younger brother, who speaks to her harshly, receives only gentleness from her. Meanwhile, my efforts go unnoticed. After 30 years of trying to keep peace, I feel I have reached my limit. I am considering leaving this home for good. They have others to care for them. These daily incidents-the phone calls, the forced gatherings-might seem small, but they are the final straws on a burden I have carried for too long. Shaytaan is working hard to exploit this pain, but I am trying my best to hold onto my faith and patience. I am in deep anguish. Sometimes I wonder why I have been given such a difficult test with my family. I even have thoughts that those with less material wealth seem happier. What should I do? I remember once, during a storm, my cousin and I were out for an errand for my mother. When we returned to his home, his mother asked with genuine concern, 'How are you? Was the journey difficult in this weather?' That warmth struck me. When I arrived at my own home, my mother's first question was only about the task and what I was bringing back. Please keep me in your duas. Assalam Alaikum.