Will Allah forgive me if my BPD makes me act on these urges?

Assalamu alaikum, I really need to get this off my chest and just want a straight answer, not your sympathy, please. I have BPD and the impulsive urges to end things are so overwhelming right now. I don't want to die, I swear by Allah I don't, but my mind is screaming at me and it's like I'm not fully in control. It's me fighting against my own brain, and I don't know how long I can hold out. This isn't a planned thing or something I want – it’s the illness. Given that, would I be forgiven? Does Allah understand this struggle? I'm just looking for some clarity. Update: Alhamdulillah, the impulses have calmed down for now, I'm managing a lot better. JazakAllah khair for all your responses and duas, I'm truly grateful.

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brother23h

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Brother, scholars have dealt with this before. Mental illness removes responsibility when reason is overpowered. Think of the hadith about the pen being lifted. Your fight itself is worship. Keep a trusted person close.

brother21h

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La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. Your desperation itself is proof of iman, because you’re scared of displeasing Him. Cling to that. It’s a lifeline.

brother21h

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Don't psych yourself out looking for a strict fatwa. Al-Wadud sees your pain. The Messenger (saw) instructed us to seek help and medicine. Treat it like a broken bone-an ailment needing treatment, not a moral defect. Stay strong, you’re not alone.

brother22h

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Fear of Allah even in this state shows a clean heart. Don’t let shaytan make you doubt that. May Allah wrap you in tranquility.

brother22h

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My aunt has severe BPD and her sheikh told her explicitly that compulsive thoughts and acts during an episode are not held against her the way deliberate sins are. You’re fighting. That’s what matters. Hit me up if you ever need to vent to a stranger.