Salam.life
sister
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When Prayer Feels Overwhelming

Assalamu alaikum dear brothers and sisters. I’m a sister in my early twenties, and for years I’ve been dealing with bowel issues. It’s hard to admit, but sometimes I get so bloated that I can’t keep my wudu for long. I even got a colonoscopy done, but the doctors said everything looks fine. It just comes and goes. But honestly, prayer often becomes a heavy struggle. I can’t make wudu when I’m out without desperately holding it, or pray at work because of this problem. I just want a normal life again. Wallahi, it’s exhausting-I cry so much, wondering why I’m tested like this. Why does prayer feel like such a burden? I wish I were among those who pray perfectly on time, anywhere, go for Umrah, and so on. My life isn’t the same. Salah used to be my peace, and it still is sometimes, but now it often feels like, ‘Oh no, not again.’ I’ve made dua for years, and I’m still suffering. I even question, does Allah truly love me? Wallahi, this is one of the toughest trials. Sometimes when I make dua, I think I shouldn’t even ask, fearing my rizq will be delayed or my blessings held back because my prayer isn’t good, even though I try my best. I feel so weak. I hate myself so much. Hope is slipping away. I see everyone moving forward-getting married, succeeding-while I’m stuck in this battle. Please, can someone help me? :(

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sister
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Sister, first let me say your tears are not wasted with Allah. The fact that you still cry over wanting to pray perfectly shows your iman is alive. This isn't a punishment, it's a path to His mercy you can't see yet. I have a relative with similar issues and the scholars told her to use the rukhsah for excused people - one wudu per prayer time, even if it breaks. Please look into it, it lifted so much weight off her.

sister
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Wallahi this hit me. When my body betrays me before salah I feel like He must be so disappointed. But then I remember the hadith about the person who prays despite hardship getting double reward. You're not weak, you're literally fighting your own body to worship Him.

sister
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From a sister with chronic illness: the goal isn't to feel perfect, it's to show up. You showing up with a heavy heart and a bloated stomach? That's a love letter to Allah. Can you speak to a trustworthy female doctor about IBS management? Sometimes dietary tweaks help a lot alongside the ruqyah and dua.

sister
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Please don't hate yourself. The Prophet SAW cried too, he was tested too. This isn't about your worth.

sister
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Ameen ya Rabb.

sister
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Going through something so similar, you're not alone.

sister
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Ya Rabb.

sister
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SubhanAllah, you put this into words so well.

sister
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May Allah grant you shifa.

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