Struggling with past sins and seeking a new beginning

Assalamu alaikum, I hope this message finds you all in a good state of iman. I’m a sister who’s having a tough time dealing with the weight of my past mistakes. A while back, I drifted away from practicing my faith and fell into a haram marriage-like relationship that left me shattered. In that state of brokenness, I did even more things that went against my deen. It’s hard to put into words-I still believed, but my faith felt weak, and I started seeing myself as a lost cause, which just led to more sins. But alhamdulillah, I’ve stopped all that now and I’m trying to rebuild my connection with Islam. I’ve made sincere tawbah and I pray that Allah, in His mercy, will forgive me. But honestly, I’m struggling now. I miss the innocence I used to have, the person I was before all the haram. I know Allah’s forgiveness is what really matters, but I keep beating myself up about how a future husband might see me-thinking I’m somehow less worthy, you know? I know we’re not supposed to expose our sins, and I was hesitant to share this, but I’m trying to keep it brief. It’s not just about marriage; it’s the guilt I carry inside and the struggle to become that pure version of myself again. Living with this is so heavy. I’m not a bad person-I was just weak and made terrible choices. I want to feel like myself again, but the shame is hard to shake off. It’s strange because for a long time, I felt no guilt at all, and losing that guilt was a scary thing. Alhamdulillah, now that I’m getting closer to Allah, I feel that guilt again, and that’s a blessing. But the personal shame and what our culture might say about it is really getting to me. Please be gentle with your words, I didn’t know where else to turn.