Struggling with Family as the Only Daughter

Asalaamu Alaikum. I’m at a breaking point and just need to get this out. I’m the eldest of five kids-the only daughter with four brothers. My mom is a classic boy mom who practically worships her sons just for being male. They talk back to her and disrespect her, yet she still showers them with praise. Meanwhile, I catch all the abuse from everyone. Everything that goes wrong in the house is blamed on me, and I’ve even been told to just die by them. My mom resents me for not being like her. She’s more modern, doesn’t practice Islam much, likes tight, revealing clothes and going out. I’m the opposite-I follow our faith, I’ve never worn revealing outfits, I avoid going out needlessly, and I keep to myself. She hates my simplicity and won’t even let me wear hijab. On top of that, she never wanted a daughter and constantly reminds me my worth is nothing. She forces me to take on roles Islamically meant for sons. For five years I’ve been job hunting without success. I graduated two years ago with a business degree I regret deeply because it hasn’t opened any doors. She insists I provide for myself and got furious when I once asked my dad for pocket change, saying I have no right to ask my father for anything at this age and that I should work. She literally told me to beg at employers’ feet. My mom curses me, swears at me, and wishes harm on me just because I’m a girl and unlike her. When I ask if I did something wrong, she says she just hates me for being a daughter because sons are simply better. When I was born, she disliked me so much she left me to be raised by my grandmother until I was five. Then she took me back and isolated me from my grandparents and the rest of the extended family. I’ve never been allowed to consider my own happiness. My life revolves entirely around their comfort. I’m the last one to eat because my brothers come first. Heavy lifting is my job, shopping duty is mine, and if there’s repair work in the house, I’m the one who has to sit with the stranger because my brothers won’t. I’ve never had my own room-I’ve shared sleeping space with my brothers my whole life, and even now I’m forced to sleep alongside two of them. My clothes are kept in my 20-year-old brother’s room, my personal items are in my parents’ room. There’s not one corner that’s truly mine. When I mention how un-Islamic this arrangement is, my mom refuses to listen. My dad is the only one who hears me out, but he stays silent to keep peace in the house. So I remain the punching bag. My relationship with my mom is ice-cold, and no matter how hard I try to please her, nothing changes-she just wants me gone. But leaving isn’t an option. As a daughter, walking out would bring shame to the whole family, and with our huge family, the backlash would be severe. Marriage seems like the only exit, and I’ve never even spoken to a man, let alone considered anyone. I don’t see myself as pretty either, so I can’t imagine that path opening up. My family has also made clear that if I ever have children, they won’t love them or acknowledge them as their own. They believe a child belongs only to the father’s side-despite Islam elevating a mother’s status three times above a father’s. They completely dismiss this. I feel utterly alone, the only daughter with no one in my corner. My brothers curse at me too, even when I’m just washing dishes minding my own business-they’ll come up, swear at me, and walk away. I love them with all my heart, so it breaks me to see they don’t feel the same, influenced by my mom. This especially stings because I practically raised three of them. The last two, I took full care of. When the youngest was born, I was just twelve-feeding him, bathing him, changing him, putting him to sleep, all while looking after my mom on top of it. I’m not upset she took my childhood; I’m upset she never acknowledges anything I do. The first thing I hear from her each day is that I’m useless and have never done a thing for her. I don’t expect praise, just a tiny nod of recognition. Instead, I was beaten for things like not finishing my food in five minutes or not falling asleep at bedtime-yes, those were actual reasons. The last severe beating was two summers ago: my mom woke up mad about money troubles and took it out on me with a hanger, blaming me for not bringing in income. Islam doesn’t permit cutting off family ties, so what can I do? There’s no such thing as low contact in my family; it’s just not done. I’m lost, and all this pain has made me bitter. I feel like a sinful person for the resentment I now hold toward my own mother.