Struggling with a difficult relationship with my mother and feeling lost

Assalamu alaikum, I'm writing this with a heavy heart because I don't know where else to turn. I'm the eldest daughter, and honestly, my mother has never really liked me. For 19 years, she's made life so hard. Just being around my family makes my heart feel this heavy, indescribable weight. Last year, I was blessed to start university and move an hour away. It's helped a bit, but it's also made things worse. I feel like a stranger in my own family, like I don't belong. My parents want me to come home and help with the kids and everything, but mentally, I just can't. Islam teaches us to respect our parents, and I try, I really do, but I can't force myself to be around them. The guilt eats me up no matter what. When I'm there, I cry for days with no escape. And when I'm at uni, I cry for the childhood I missed and the way I'm treated when I'm away. The thing that's really got me now is my mother bringing up marriage. I just turned 19, and she mentioned that since I chose to move away for uni, she gets to choose my husband when the time comes. My heart just sank. Over the past year, she's used my education against me so many times, and I feel so guilty for even trying to heal myself. There's so much more to this, but the main thing is: what can I do? Religiously and culturally, how do I keep going? I feel so suffocated and drained, like I can't go on.